Molly Kochan had a stable life, a 15 -year -old wedding and a structured routine that gave her a certain sense of control. But everything changed in 2015, when he received devastating news: breast cancer at the IV stadium, with bone metastases, brain and liver. A terminal diagnosis. Instead of seeking security or resigning to fate, Molly decided something radical: leave her husband and launch himself on a self -selighted car trip.
This unexpected path became the story based on death for sex, first a successful podcast, then a series with Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate.
“My sexual exploration was a way to say: ‘I’m not ready to die,” Molly confessed in the Pódcast that guided with her best friend, Nikki Boyer. For Molly, sex was not just a physical pleasure: it was a way to make your body after years of trauma, pain and disease. It was also an answer to fear.
For several years, Molly has sex with About 200 men. Some meetings were surreal as emotional: a young man who wrote his meeting in a film screenplay, a German model who loved his feet and even a man who asked him to kick him in the testicles. “It was like a themed park with a single attraction and you didn’t have to wait for the line,” Molly said laughing.
Far from being just a list of adventures, to die for sex explored deep issues such as childish trauma, forgiveness, spirituality and the complex relationship between body, pleasure and pain.
A difficult past
Molly grew between the tension of a broken family: a drug addict and an anxious mother, an absent father who ended in bands. He suffered sexual abuse at the age of seven, a fact that fractured it inside. As an adult, sex has disconnected more than it was connected. “I dissociated myself. I was going through the actions, but I didn’t hear anything,” he wrote in his book.
His marriage, although full of love, was controlled and sexually distant. When he wanted to rekindle passion, cancer appeared as a sentence. “I don’t blame my husband, but I realized that I needed something else.”
Molly’s sexual stories passed from romantic to the extreme. Kisses with a mechanic in a foreign car. Roles of roles, fetish, fluids, power. “It was a way to create art with another person. I felt authorized,” he said. And when her friend Nikki showed concern, Molly replied with irony: “What will they do?
At some point, they had 188 contacts on the phone. But beyond the number, each experience has filled a piece of the puzzle of its identity: sexual, emotional and spiritual. “Is it valid to want to be a sexual person even after being abused?” He asked. “Yes.”
Die with meaning
In December 2018, Molly entered the hospital for what she believed would be a short stay. He never came out. In his last few days, he reconciled with his mother. “When he entered the door, I wanted to go back to his belly,” he wrote. “And love?” Nikki asked in the last episode of the podcast. Molly replied serenity: “The gift that death gives me is falling in love with myself.”
Immediately after midnight of 8 March 2019, Molly Kochan lost his life. He was 45 years old. “I don’t know where I’m going, or when. But that trip is mine alone. And I’m fucking excited by him,” he said.
